Thursday, July 16, 2015

For Such a Time as This

Yesterday was quite the day, today looks to be exactly the same, but with slightly more hope.
If you don't know what I'm talking about you can read about it here. I'm spending this week in survival mode.

My days are being spent laying on my side, trying to get the exact right arrangement of pillows, trying to keep the rest of my body warm with a sheet, while trying to keep the fan on my carefully exposed allergic reaction site that burns like there's no tomorrow. I can't even allow my super soft sheets to touch it. If I don't overlap my pain meds to not let it wear off, my hair will stand up on the back of my head and I will have no choice but to scream through my teeth, attempting to do it quietly to not scare the kids. The steroids they've put me on have made it impossible to sleep. Insomnia. I sleep at night in ten minute intervals, never fully getting any semblance of rest. Constantly trying to keep the itching and burning at bay, even in my "sleep". 

All of that is to explain how quickly one can go from feeling like a 100% loved child of God to feeling utterly forgotten.
Jesus loves me.
Life is great.
I'm so happy.
Wait, what is happening?
This can't be happening.
I can't live through this much pain for one more minute.
Can't breathe.
Can't move.
Now the stage is set. You get feeling like you are at the complete end of yourself. Like NO ONE could possibly stand this. I don't operate under any delusions that being a follower of Christ means that bad things don't happen. Really, when people talk like that, my eyes roll to the back of my head. That's just not true. Life is life. Life does not give out free passes on pain. Even though I fully know that this is not happening to me because I have somehow been forgotten by God, it is a hard pill to swallow. 
Yes, Jesus loves me. 
Yes, I'm in mind-numbing suffering.
No, I'm not forgotten.

This may sound silly to you, but I have wanted colored egg layers since we started keeping chickens. It's been almost a year. They are not the easiest thing to find for sale, because everyone wants them. We even tried raising them from chicks, which did not end well. Thanks, dogs. I've trolled Craigslist off and on ever since we began. Nope.

Then a few weeks ago, a friend sent me a screenshot of a Facebook post. Some one's well had run dry in a neighboring town and they needed to start selling their animals quick. I quickly texted the number to find out the breeds and prices. Three Easter Eggers! Ten dollars each! Sold!
The kids and I drove out that afternoon and brought them home. 
If you know anything about chicken life, they are finicky creatures. There really is a pecking order, and adding to the flock does not always go well. I would never just add one hen, because she would be in danger. So, we added three at once, and they kept to themselves, staying upstairs most of the day. I had to feed them separately, upstairs, because the original flock didn't like them downstairs. 
Finally, over the past week, they got brave and started coming downstairs for short amounts of time. Started standing their ground. I knew it would take awhile for them to start laying eggs because they did not yet feel like it was home. 
Waiting is hard.
Fast forward to yesterday afternoon. 
Me in bed, of course.
The kids helping me with things that have to be done. 
Emma came in my room with a really big grin on her face.
"Mooooommm, I have something that will make you reallllly happy!"
Her hands were behind her back, and she could hardly contain her excitement as she pulled TWO blue eggs from behind her back!

Ok, God, I get it.
You see me.
You remember me.
Of all the days to receive something so exciting to me, it is today.
Would it have mattered that much to anyone else? 
It was for me.
For such a time as this.

1 comment:

  1. I love it when God slips little reminders of His love and Presence into the middle of our misery. Praying for you to heal quickly. Hugs